Journal Entry: Just got back from my honeymoon to Puerto Morelos, Quintana Roo, Mexico. Great trip, great food, great company. Quick note: the Sargassum seaweed in the Caribbean is going to destroy the tourism industry in a lot of places. The beaches are covered in this nasty shit for like 5-6 months a year now and it seems to be getting worse. When I read about it, I wasn’t that concerned. But the problem is not its unsightliness or location that ruins the beach. It’s the smell. It smells like what the sewer manholes smell like when they waft up on a hot day. But this smell will emanate hundreds of yards from the shoreline. I didn’t even want to be near the beach, much less on it.
Anyways, main topic of this post is something I have argued repeatedly with almost every female who’d hear my perseverations about it. I’m referring to party hosting and the amount of food prepared for such events. Every woman that I’ve spoke to about this feels the same way: a good host never lets the food run out. Some even go as far as to say that a single dish shouldn’t even run out, lest somebody not get to try it.
First let me preface my take on this by saying that I do not advocate for underfeeding guests. There should be enough food prepared that each guest gets ample and fair opportunity to get well fed if they choose, with considerable variety preferred. I also understand there are special events that don’t apply to my stance, including weddings. I’m mainly referring to casual/semi-formal get togethers and parties. This includes having friends over to watch a game, a baby shower, a cinco-de-mayo party, etc.
My opinion is that if the food runs out, I have succeeded. Now again, this doesn’t mean I will serve 4 sandwiches at a party with 20 people and consider it a success. If I had a party of 20, I’d serve 20 sandwiches. If somebody wants 2, I really don’t care. Most likely, only about 75% of people will eat anything at all and 25% will eat half of a full meal. In my experience, if I order 20 sandwiches, I’ll have at least 5 whole sandwiches left over.
Now you may be wondering, what’s wrong with that? Everyone got what they wanted, you’re a great host, and you have leftovers! The truth is: I don’t want any fucking leftovers! First of all, I already ate 2 sandwiches at the party because I spent the day making them and it made me hungry for them, so those leftovers don’t sound that appealing anymore. Next, I don’t want to store them. I already have my meals/groceries planned and I don’t need a bunch of extra food unless I can explicitly plan for it. Last, I spent money and time to make these sandwiches and there’s a very small chance I’ll actually eat all 5. What am I going to do, eat a sandwich for 5 meals in a row? Sounds like something one of those meal prep gym guys does. Fucking chicken and rice 3 times a day will make your pallet so unrefined you’ll pair red wine with Kraft Mac and Cheese.
This all stems from my utter hatred of food waste. There are few things that annoy me more than throwing away food that has spoiled, or even worse, is still fresh but too unappetizing or inconvenient for me to eat. I don’t really know why I hate it so much, but I go to fairly extreme measures to avoid this, including drinking spoiled milk regularly. It might be because my family was from an agricultural background and instilled some Depression-Era thriftiness in me. It might be because I’ve worked briefly in agriculture and know how much societal effort is put into everything we eat. It might be because I feel like throwing something away is a failure on my part to properly plan and budget. Whatever it is, it doesn’t feel noble. I don’t want to act morally righteous here. To me, this compulsion feels totally self-serving.
But food waste is bad. Look up the statistics, it’s crazy how much food we throw away. And almost as much as I hate throwing things away, I hate unexamined social guidelines. Why the hell does every girl feel the need to provide a party with enough food for them all to vomit from fullness? It’s like the old grandmother stereotype who just keeps giving you more and more food. And I don’t want to talk shit on grandmothers, I’m just saying: the assholes at your party are not your grandchildren! Just let them eat a few lettuce wraps and not be stuffed. They will survive, in fact, they’ll probably be happy they used some discretion.
If the food runs out, you wasted nothing. That is 100% efficiency, baby!