Category: Uncategorized

Big box store layouts

Can anybody in the know explain to me why every Home Depot or Lowe’s has a completely unique layout? Who decides which aisles go where? You would think for a store that’s so vast that it would be more efficient for everybody involved to keep a consistent setup. I’m going to assume that they actually…

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Wedding DJs

Wedding deejays who don’t play classic wedding songs are more in denial about their jobs than uber drivers who tell you that driving is only their “side gig.” Play shout, play Cupid shuffle, take requests, don’t play your shit. A good wedding DJ is like a good offensive tackle. We never hear your number called…

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Advice to Waitstaff

If you’re serving somebody at a nice restaurant and are asked for a menu recommendation, heed this advice. If you recommend the most expensive thing on the menu, it better be really delicious. It also better be significantly more delicious than other, more affordable options. Because as soon as you recommend the filet or some…

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Walking

Here are the only exceptions that allow you to consider walking as exercise: You’re obese or disabled You’re over 70 It’s over 10 miles

Toilets

I have a question about the little cut-out on toilet seats. Is that designed so men can pee with the seat down? Because that’s what I’ve always assumed it’s for. I don’t want to be angering the ladies. But it sure as hell looks like it’s there so that when your urine stream wanes, that…

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Dirty Diapers

My wife was out of town this weekend so I was home alone with my 1 year-old son. We ate the same food for every meal. I realize it’s obvious, but I find it fascinating and disgusting that the shit I just took smells exactly like the diapers I changed all weekend.