Journal Entry/Relationship Insights

This weekend was not a good start to the football season. Definitely top 5 most embarrassing regular season Packer losses of all-time. Last year to the Bucs was in the short list too, but at least it wasn’t to start off the season. Hype destroyed. All my bets lost, both my fantasy teams lost and Aaron Rodgers looks like a greasy hippie. I don’t know about this Shailene Woodley. So far she’s 0-1 and her vibe seems to have infected Aaron. I miss Danica Patrick… Now there’s an All-American girl. I don’t know if she’s actually crazy or boring or something, but she seemed so cool in interviews (Hot Ones for example). Plus she maintained this status as a sex-symbol (GoDaddy.com commercials) and a badass (fucking Nascar driver). Plus I like short girls.

Segueing into relationships from Aaron’s, I’d like to speak on something I think is key to my own. I’ve seen others struggle to maintain a friend/significant other balance. For some reason, lots of guys end up pitting their girlfriends against their friends. I won’t put all the blame on the men; you have to find the right girl to make it work, but as a man I think we should only speak on what we can control ie: ourselves. Much like training a puppy, standards set early on in a romantic relationship often lay important groundwork that can be very hard to change later. Once somebody starts to feel an issue, it will become a problem that will 100% have to be addressed. If this issue involves your relationship or habits with your friends, you are fucked. You can address the issue maturely, you can try to improve your habits, but that girl will always harbor resentment unless she does an ayahuasca trip with Ghandi or something.

What’s worked for me: always bring your girlfriend. The only time you should have bro-only time is if she specifically asks not to come, or you’re golfing. But what if she doesn’t like hanging out with your friends? Well there’s a reason for that and it’s usually one of the following:

A. She doesn’t like your friends.

If this is the case, sounds like she sucks. If you don’t like her friends, you probably suck, or you’re not compatible. They’re your friends, the people you like the most; what’s it mean if she doesn’t like them? What’s it mean if all her friends are boring, vapid idiots? Not liking the same type of people is not equivalent to preferring different types of pizza. It’s a red flag. You can’t just let this slide because she’s smart, hot and you think she’s good for you.

B. She doesn’t like you when you’re with your friends.

This could be a combination of you and her. You’re probably ignoring her or being a tool and she’s probably a little possessive. You really shouldn’t act any different with your girl than you do with your friends. You don’t have to make all the same jokes, but your personality and priorities should be the same. If she’s constantly reigning you in, you need to either do some self-reflection and develop a more mature mode of being. Or realize she hates when you have fun.

C. She doesn’t want to be the only girl.

You must get your friends to date girls. You also must date a girl who gets along with all sorts of different girls. I feel like there’s a big double standard with the sexes on this one. Guys who don’t get along with other dudes of all different personality types and interests are shunned or considered pricks. For girls, it seems to be acceptable to have a few friends and not try to make new ones. This does seem to alleviate with age, as the girls get more desperate for companionship when their college friends move to Nashville. Just make sure that the new friends your girl makes are your buddies’ girlfriends.

To give more prescriptive advice, do not live a double life at the beginning of your relationship and don’t accept this from your significant other, either. If you act like Mr. A+ boyfriend with your girl and go “escape” with your friends, this is not sustainable. If your girlfriend acts like she likes your friends, but doesn’t ever want to go out with your boys and the new fling one of them is dating, this is a bad sign. You must not accept this behavior because you’ll end up resenting her for taking away your friends from you.