I was going to post about this last week, but I was getting married. That went well, by the way. It was a great weekend, I’ll remember it forever!
Andrew Cuomo resigned, because he’s a touchy guy. His touchiness has been corroborated by almost a dozen women. Society is finally putting an end to touchy folks! This is an enormous victory for everybody who values personal space.
I remember in elementary school, I made a friend early on in 3rd grade. I was new to the school and this kid Brett was nice to me. He was a nice guy, liked stuff I like, but Brett had a glaring issue that I learned after I started hanging around him. He was a touchy guy. Brett used to tell you a story and always felt the need to put his hand on your back, or your arm, or your neck. He also didn’t take subtle hints, like when you would move away slowly, shift position, etc. I liked Brett, but I was a 3rd grader, and 3rd graders are very mean. There was rumors that Brett was gay, since he was so touchy. I don’t think anybody actually thought he was gay, they just used “gay” to mean his social skills were undesirable. My friendship ended with Brett when he found me gossiping about how I thought he was gay with some other kids. He tried to fight me and we went to the principal. I convinced him that he would get in more trouble than me in the lobby and told him to let me do the talking. I told the principal he misheard me and it was a misunderstanding. We actually didn’t even get our parents called. I do still feel bad about making fun of him, but some well-placed bullying can be useful. Maybe if Andrew Cuomo had been ridiculed for his touchiness he wouldn’t have made so many women feel uncomfortable.
We have finally reached a point where personal space people outnumber touchy people. I define the personal space crowd as those of us who believe that touching somebody else is only required if there is an explicit reason. There are tons of good reasons to touch somebody, but you do need a reason. Just having a conversation with somebody does not mean you can touch them. Even if you know them well. If my best friend touched me for no reason while telling an anecdote, I’d tell him to fuck off.
It wasn’t always like this. I remember as a kid there was “touchy” adults. This is in no way sexual. I’m not talking about creepy pervs. I’m just talking about those other dads that would bend down and put there hand on you to tell you something. Or a pastor than would look in your eye and touch your knee when you were talking about Jesus. Again, nothing sexual here. Just in my space. I guarantee Mr. Rogers was one of these guys, but he was a saint. Point being, it used to be considered charisma to touch people. These people were seen as sensitive and in tune with others emotions. Kind of like they had a good bed-side manner. But these people are done and their reign is over. And I am happy for it! I never liked these fucking guys. They gave me the willies. Mostly because I’m not emotional and don’t see the practical value of risking touching somebody. They might be a touchy person too, and really appreciate the contact. Or they might just think you’re a fucking weirdo and end your entire career in court 5 years later.