As we prepare for the 2024/2025 NFL Playoffs, it’s important to remember all the women NFL fans out there, as well as the gay and the bi-curious NFL fans. These football fans might be tuning in for different reasons. They might be focusing less on the effectiveness of the Tush Push and more on the tush being pushed. This post is for those fans.
This data was aggregated from my wife, I am simply dictating the rankings. The QBs included were starters at the time the list was compiled or had been starters in 2024.
- Joe Burrow
- Apparently Joe’s boyish good looks were enough to overpower his frosted tips and land him as the most attractive QB in the league.
- Brock Purdy
- Brock is now an Ariat model and I must say, his Iowa charm really shines through as he stomps around in his shit-kickers.
- Jalen Hurts
- This man has been described as “Pretty” by many well known pundits, male and female alike.
- Russell Wilson
- The consensus corniness of Mr. Unlimited does not count against him to women, who admire his responsible nature.
- Kirk Cousins
- Kohl’s Cash, 6-pack abs, consummate professional. Every woman’s dream husband.
- Bryce Young
- Cute little fella
- Tue Tagovailoa
- Every woman loves damaged goods. Over half of Miami fantasizes about spoon-feeding Tua chicken noodle soup as he recovers from his 13th life-threatening concussion.
- Jared Goff
- Discount Ryan Gosling
- Jordan Love
- Mr. Silly Body has a goofy cuteness and his devil-may-care gunslinger QB play doesn’t hurt, either.
- Aaron Rodgers
- There are a lot of anti-vax white women in America.
- Patrick Mahomes
- Winning is attractive, as long as Kermit doesn’t start talking in bed.
- Josh Allen
- Average face, but have you seen this guy in shorts?
- Matt Stafford
- A mover on this list in the last few years, the California tan and blinding teeth have improved Matt’s appeal. The cuck allegations don’t help, though.
- Will Levis
- I don’t think my wife has seen the video, but a large member won’t make up for the amount of interceptions this guy throws.
- Bo Nix
- Bo has that clean cut, church-goer look.
- Derek Carr
- Derek might make it higher on the list for those ladies that went through an emo phase in middle school.
- Baker Mayfield
- Baker is not model material, but he clearly fucks.
- Andy Dalton
- It’s hard to look much better as a ginger than what Andy has been able to accomplish.
- CJ Stroud
- I think if CJ wasn’t a pro athlete, he’d be a fat guy.
- Anthony Richardson
- I think ARich looks a lot better with his helmet on. Butterface Jalen Hurts.
- Caleb Williams
- Gay dudes do have a certain allure to them. I don’t know if the lipstick helps or hurts his ranking.
- Drake Maye
- Drake is your average, tube-sock wearing white guy.
- Spencer Rattler
- The first major miss-fire from my wife. This guy looks like Patrick Mahomes as a white walker.
- Jayden Daniels
- This guy always looks oily. Does he wash those dreads?
- Justin Fields
- I guess looking like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle isn’t the deal-breaker I thought.
- Justin Herbert
- Drake Maye if he didn’t shower.
- Joe Flacco
- Another disagreement here. Early in his career, no semblance of proper grooming. Now that his prominent brow is under control, I think this ranking is too low. Man is tall, dark and handsome.
- Deshaun Watson
- It’s weird now that we know Deshaun is creepy butt pirate, you can kind of see it in his face. As soon as he got caught, his hairline started receding.
- Dak Prescott
- Now begins the lower-tier QBs. Dak also looks like a turtle, but without the impressive frame of Fields.
- Trevor Lawrence
- Don’t be fooled by his luscious mane. Apparently this guy looks like a foot.
- Gardner Minshew
- This is probably going to divide the sexes. The swag of Gardner just doesn’t hit the same for my wife. I guess she doesn’t see the appeal of a mustache ride in a Winnebago.
- Kyler Murray
- Women are genetically predisposed to find toddlers cute, which is probably helping Kyler a bit.
- Geno Smith
- Geno isn’t actually as ugly as you think. But he’s still pretty ugly. Great guy, though.
- Daniel Jones
- Lean into the beard, Danny. You need it.
- Aiden O’Connell
- Weird decision for a guy with an Irish last name to try as hard as possible to look Mexican.
- Sam Darnold
- Sam looks like he invited himself to a lot of parties in school, even though he was the starting QB.
- Lamar Jackson
- Lovely guy.