Life update: I’m moved into my new house. It’s bigger, it’s better and it’s unrated, baby. I wish I could just stay home for a week straight organizing everything, decorating and optimizing. I’m on a cul-de-sac, which is just peak domestication. I need a white picket fence and a bigger dog!
The topic today popped into my mind much like most of my perseverations do, while I was driving. I was chatting to my best friend who is only a week from having his first child. I was asking my friend to keep me updated on the progress of the birth and made a crack about not needing to see any pictures of the birth. This reminded me of an old argument I’d had with my mom half a dozen times. The argument was centered around the appropriateness of naked baby photos and related documented adolescent nudity. Related is birth videos.
In the late 80s and early 90s, technology was digitizing and becoming small enough for the average consumer to take photos and videos anywhere and everywhere. This was too much for Gen X to handle. They didn’t realize the risk they were taking when capturing something permanently. Millennials, who grew up with video cameras in our pockets, know full well the power of video; they can send somebody to prison, they can ruin reputations, they can be used to victimize. But our poor parents, with their Sony camcorders with that stupid little viewing telescope thing, assumed the future meant videoing every waking moment. They imagined they’d grow old and have a pretty scrapbook of all their wonderful life experiences, without ever considering if their naked 4 year old child in the bathtub would approve of their image being permanently rendered.
There are many reasons that I, when the time comes, will not do this. I will also note that I have felt this way for many years and have not changed my mind in the slightest. The first reason is the obvious: it’s embarrassing for the future child. Why the compulsion to pull out the naked toddler photos for your son’s new girlfriend to look at? I hypothesize that our parents thought they were bringing this person into the fold, the trust circle. They were offering them a personal piece of family history as an olive branch. But what I assume a large portion of these new romantic interests were thinking was: why would you take a photo of this, you weirdo? The second reason is the true dangers of creating this media. What if you were robbed and your old photo album full of child nudies was stolen? What if you were indicted on insider trading and the FBI found videos of children bathing? The only real reason to record something is to share it and there’s very few people who would appreciate this stuff the way you do. Honestly the list is probably: your parents, your sister, end of list. The last reason is some of this stuff is just gross. I refer specifically to birth videos here. Remember in like every movie from 1992-2005 when the father of the newborn would video his wife in labor? What in the hell would you do that for? Who wants to see this footage, except extreme fetishists? It’s only beautiful to you and it loses that beauty considerably if you experience it through a camera. So strange, truly boggles my mind. If I hadn’t already seen this portrayed so many times in media, and heard about it happing in real life, I would honestly never consider filming my wife get split in two by my afterbirth covered child. Hey guys, want to watch my wife in her most vulnerable state involuntarily shit all over an operating table? I’ll order pizza, we’ll make a night of it.
My mom gets very upset when I argue this, and understandably so. Deep down she knows I’m right and doesn’t want to admit how irresponsible this behavior was. It’s ok mom, I know you had good intentions. But this generation will continue to frame all the kids in the bathtub and hang it in their hallway. They will never concede.