Continuing on with my Dad-themed posts (partly because I’m going to be one soon), I’m going to try to coin a term, the “Dad Dunk.” This could go the way of “fetch” or become the next internet craze. I give it a 0.2%.
The Dad Dunk is when you humbly best another grown man in dad shit, ie: demonstrating your handiness, preparedness, toughness or thriftiness. A Dad Dunk is not performed demonstrably, however, it’s much more like a Tim Duncan dunk than a Vince Carter dunk. It’s performed quietly and subtly, preferring practicality over appearance. A classic Dad Dunk scenario is somebody approaching you at a Home Depot and asking you if you know where something is, to which you correctly reply, “down 3 aisles and make a right, they’re next to the electrical conduit.”
I had a different Depot-related Dad Dunk the other day (actually it was Lowe’s, I’m not a brand-simp). I was attempting to pull out of the contractor parking lot (I park there because I Dad Dunk on the employees too) and two men were struggling with about 16 4×4 pressure-treated posts. They were loading them into a short-box pickup right behind my pickup, and taking a very long time to do it. Being always in a hurry and desperate to impress my wife seated in the passenger seat, I quickly sprang from my F-150 driver seat, popped open my toolbox and put on my KingCo leather gloves. Without a word, I began helping the men load their lumber. They thanked me, but were having trouble handling the raw wood due to the splinters. I then jogged over to my toolbox and pulled out two more sets of leather gloves and tossed them casually at the men. This was the windmill Dad Dunk. The look on their faces was a combination of adoration for my preparation and shame at their lack of it. At this moment, these men would follow me onto Utah Beach at Normandy. We finished up and the men were concerned about their load, so I instructed them how to secure it. I let them have an extra strap I had, just to shatter the backboard on them. They returned my gloves and we were both able to exit the parking lot.
I know that this paragraph probably has you retching, imagining me sniffing my own farts as I wrote it. But sometimes we men just need an outlet to shamelessly brag. Please leave a comment below about a recent Dad Dunk where you posterized an unsuspecting adult male.